What is the possibility of coping with infidelity? Do you know one of the toughest jobs in romantic relationships is coping with a ‘cheating’ partner? Why do people cheat in relationships, what type of behavior can be classified as cheating in a relationship and how can someone cope when his or her partner is cheating? These are some questions likely to pop up when the topic of infidelity is discussed.
Infidelity may never the cross victim’s mind, but certain factors may cause individuals to cheat on their partners. According to statistics, the rates of infidelity in relationships vary from about 20% to 50%. The cause of these also varies. Most of us may believe happy couples may never have to experience cases of infidelity in their marriage but unfortunately, even people in happy relationships cheat. Why?
In unhappy relationships, we may attribute frustration, depression, loneliness, revenge, and anger as reasons to have an affair outside the home but happy relationships seem overwhelming sometimes. Experts note that addiction to sex, low self-esteem, personality traits, and wrong mindset about sex and relationships are factors that can cause happy couples to support or act unfaithful to their partners.
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What is Infidelity
According to the definition given by the authors of the research paper, Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences: “infidelity is defined as any type of secret emotional, sexual, or romantic behavior that violates the exclusivity that romantic relationships have by definition. However, there are varied definitions of infidelity, which can be divided into subtypes of sexual, emotional, combined (sexual and emotional), and internet infidelity”
It is important to note infidelity is a breach of the trust and commitment that are typically central to healthy, long-term relationships. It is often referred to as “cheating” and manifests in various forms including physical affairs, emotional affairs, online relationships, or any secretive actions within a committed relationship.
Can a Partner Cope with Infidelity in a Relationship?
‘It is hard to imagine romantic and committed relationships devoid of transgressions of some kind. Despite the best intentions not to cause any harm or disappointment to one’s partner, breaking rules and promises are largely inevitable in long-term relationships”- Grøntvedt et al.
Couples should clearly state what is and isn’t allowed in their relationship. For instance, viewing pornography is considered as ‘cheating’ while for some others it is merely entertainment. When couples discuss matters of this sort, they can keep a conscious attitude and report any form of perceived romantic behavior from the opposite sex outside the relationship.
Infidelity is mainly categorized as sexual and emotional and research shows that men are likely to engage in sexual infidelity and women emotional infidelity. Cramer et al. posited that women believe that men are not able to maintain sexual faithfulness in their relationships, but will still remain emotionally loyal to their spouses. Hence they are more upset with sexual infidelity.
Meanwhile, it is hard to cope in a sexually compromised relationship whether for the male or female. In a long-term relationship like marriage, couples may not end the relationship and likely also not continue with a spouse who repeatedly betrays trust and has no hope of amending. If it is a matter that can be handled, couples can heal with time as they try to adjust to regain their relationship.
5 Ways to Coping with Infidelity
1. Manage Your Emotions
There are a range of emotions you may experience. You should understand and try to manage them. You may feel hurt, anger, betrayal, shock, grief or confusion. However intense you might feel, know it is not the end of the world. You will struggle to maintain your peace and state of mind possibly for weeks but try thinking forward.
2. Talk to a Wise and Trusted Personality
Coping with infidelity is an emotionally taxing process, and seeking support is essential. That does not mean revealing the events to friends and family. You may have trusted and concerned people around you but consider a safe family figure, such as your pastor (if you are spiritually inclined) or a trusted family confidant who can connect and offer guidance. You can also choose professional counselors for perspective.
3. Make a Decision
After reflecting on your relationship and understanding the situation, you may need to make some difficult decisions. Make sure you have thought of it and the decision aligns with your values and long-term happiness. Should you decide to end your relationship, you might need to rethink your decision.
To effectively make a decision, try to use the following tips below:
- Express Your Feelings: Share your emotions and concerns with your partner. Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial to understanding the situation and deciding the future of your relationship. Be prepared for difficult conversations
- Listen Actively: Allow your partner to explain their perspective and motivations for their actions. Don’t interrupt or raise your voice. Instead, listen to seek clarity. Understand whether the infidelity was a one-time mistake or has been a recurring issue.
- Evaluate the Relationship: Reflect on whether you want to continue the relationship or move on based on your commitment, intimacy, and future as a person. Your decision should be solely yours to decide. Avoid external voices but follow the light in your heart.
- Consider Couples Therapy: If you choose to work on the relationship, couples therapy can help facilitate the healing process. Both of you can make the relationship work again if you still want each other.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Relationship requires wisdom, management techniques, planning and not to mention self-care. One cause of infidelity in a relationship is poor self-maintenance or development from a partner. If you consistently overlook your appearance, attitude, and self-care, you may begin to send your partner away. Understand that coping with infidelity also requires mental and physical health. Maintain a healthy lifestyle, eat balanced meals, exercise, and get adequate sleep. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
5. Forgive, Learn, and Grow
If you decide to end the relationship, let go of any lingering hatred, and anger and forgive yourself and your ex-partner. But if you still keep the relationship, decide to forgive; releasing negative emotions and resentments. This can help you rebuild trust and heal speedily. It is also an opportunity for growth, personal development, and prevention of future mistakes in your relationships.
Coping with infidelity is never easy and the process is different for each individual. Only with the right information, support, and guidance is it possible to navigate the emotional turmoil and make decisions that are in the best interest of your well-being and happiness particularly if it doesn’t lead to a breakup or divorce.
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